15 February 2008

The Mormon Major-General

Have you ever tripped and sprained your brain?

Early this week, in navigating the treacherous floors that lead to my computer, I tripped over a Lyle, the Kindly Viking toy. This made me think of the delightful Veggie Tale take-off of Pirates of Penzance which in turn reminded me how long it had been since my last Gilbert & Sullivan fix. I rushed to the CD cabinet. Big mistake. Since Monday I’ve had “Major-General” stuck in my head.
(Sombody...please...get him out!)

Since I’m a little hazy on most of the lines that come after I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral... I was forced to make up my own lyrics as I went along. With sincerest apologies to W.S. Gilbert, I'm posting my version here. If you’re as hazy on the score as I am the lyrics, the best G & S site on the web is at http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pirates/web_op/operhome.html (Sorry, you'll have to cut-and-paste to get there; Blogger's web link isn't working for me this morning.) There you can read the operetta while listening to the music!


I am the very pattern of a modern Major-General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral;
I know the books of scripture, and I quote prophets historical,
From Abraham to Joseph Smith, in order chronological;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with Mormon lit that’s fictional,
I’ve read five dozen Whitney books from romance to fantastical;
About the Cub Scout program I am teeming with a lot o’ news;
With interesting facts about the banquet that is gold and blue.
I’m very good at critter care and tending kids without a fuss,
I cook, I clean, I Visit Teach; sometimes I write – miraculous!
In short, in matters quite mundane, relevant, and trivial,
I am the very model of a Mormon Major-General!


Cheri J. Crane said...

I knew you could write poetry!!! Most excellent, and worthy of applause.

(Great, now that song is in my head, too.)

Kerry Blair said...

Oh, good! Since the song is stuck in your head now, send me a better version! I can't wait!

For anybody reading the comments trail who doesn't know this already -- the best poetry on the web is found on Cheri's site over at www.crane-ium.blogspot.com. She's a photographer and bestselling author in her spare time, so this is a not-to-be-missed place to hang out. Caution: once you arrive you'll stay all day!

Marsha Ward said...

Great! Now the major-general is stuck in my head, and I don't write comic opera!

Cheri J. Crane said...

Comic opera. Hmmmm there are always new vistas that beckon. ;) Kidding . . .

Thanks for the kind words, Kerry. And I wouldn't dare touch your masterpiece, The Mormon Major General. Why mess with perfection. ;)

Julie Wright said...

Kerry, I had no idea you had your own blogspot until just now! The song is pure brilliance. I sang it to my family. Since they all had to put up with me during the whole whitney deal, they thought that line in particular was hilarious. Loved it.

Tristi Pinkston said...

I love it, Kerry!! It's fabulous.

Anonymous said...

Okay. I must admit. I'm not into this sort of singing Major General thing at all. But you all seem to be enjoying it, so sing away!

Your friend,

El Why

Rebecca Talley said...

Love it! Your creativity always amazes me.

The Bloodhound said...

Hahaha! I enjoyed the LDS-style spoof on Gilbert & Sullivan.